Are You The Woman Men Really Want?

Monday, June 8, 2009 12:00
Posted in category Couples
<div class=\"postavatar\">Are You The Woman Men Really Want?</div>

Post Written By Rick Doyle

Are You The Woman Men Really Want?

This is the loaded question of all time.  It’s right up there with “Do I look fat in this?”  Are you the woman men really want is actually two key questions; first, what about you is going to attract the man you desire and second, who are you going to attract?  The latter can be as bad an outcome as you could ever want to avoid. Let me give you two examples of men that women really don’t want to attract.

I recently wrote 2 posts that by their nature should warn men and women that they are sometimes their own worst enemies and should at least think thru what it is they want and why?  The first article is about Gold Diggers.  Simply put, no matter how hot you are (or think you are), no matter what eye candy you can turn yourself into you might just be chumming the water and sending out all the wrong signals to the men who are just looking for a notch on the belt or a replaceable relationship.  While you may be very attractive if that is your primary bait, you can bet that eventually all your “charms” will head south and when the men decide there are better fish in the sea, you will most likely be tossed back into the water.  The second post I wrote recently also relates to the cheap and superficial and slightly dangerous men known to women who cannot resist the bad boy’s.  They are called bad for a reason.  They have so many red flags that invading a communist country with nuclear capability armed with a tooth pick might seem like a better idea.  In other words what you’re trying to attract are men who’re a lost cause with a giant red sign that reads ‘Free Unlimited Pain Here’.  All your friends and family will warn you about him but you will ignore them right up to the end yet you freely chase or beg for the Hard Knocks University Degree he is going to give you.  You friends will say “I told you so” and you will not be too happy with them.  Of course, if this is a pattern for you of one bad pick or relationship after the next then I recommend reading Date Smart! from start to finish.  Ask Rickhead also offers great free advice and another post that breaks down why you’re in that pattern is the post on Shame and Self-Sabotage. When a happy relationship with healthy love always seems to elude you or one bad date with the next hot body leads to yet another notch on some losers belt it is time to get some new tools to attract a good guy. Not another bad boy.

Ask a group of men what they want in a “perfect” woman and you will hear something along the lines of… the body of Venus, a chef in the kitchen, a lady in public, preferably wealthy or has a great job that caters to his wants and needs, a pro in the bedroom (but a virgin; good and bad girl at the same time), a yes girl to whatever he wants to do with or without her (so he can have his guy night, football, hockey, baseball and… can you bring me another beer since you’re up?), loves dogs, doesn’t like cats, will never bring over hot girlfriends (another good post on this is Why Attached Men Flirt), will keep the kids out of his hair and never lose that Venus body, has no idea what a honey do list is, loves to wash, wax and tune up his motorcycle, car as well as the mower.  Okay, I didn’t say they were reasonable, rational, sensible or realistic.  If this is a man’s definition of good love or a great relationship please keep it to yourself! After all, the Stepford wives don’t really exist.

Are you the woman that men really want?  A good man who’s in love with you probably already sees you much like this already and was smart enough to marry you. He respects you for you, is as giving as he is gracious to accept, he has a partnership with you as his equal and you are each other’s best friend. He loves you just as you are. The above fantasy was provided by many men over years of discussions from locker rooms, hanging out in motorcycle shops, softball games, college lectures and talking with men over the years.  The real questions that you should ask yourself are, what do I want in a man and what about me will attract the kind and quality of man I deserve and desire?  Ladies, this is as loaded a question as what we started out with. Those of you who would like to send us the characteristics of the “perfect” man for you please do.  I have a feeling it would read something like this; must be wealthy, drop dead gorgeous with the body of Adonis, have perfect full body massage techniques (that last more than 2 minutes), is so captivated with you that he’s unable to look at or think about any other woman, has lots of great friends but prefers to spend his free time with you, lives to please you first and completely, loves to cuddle and talk about feelings, spoils you rotten, loves romantic walks on the beach, isn’t really interested in sports except for the ones you may like, loves your parents, loves cats, loves you unconditionally, listens without judging or trying to fix the problem, does all house chores when asked promptly (no wait, without having to be asked!), is considerate and chivalrous at all times (unless requested bad boy skills are required with leash of course), cooks, cleans, does dishes and adores taking the kids out so you can have some “you” time.  Who wouldn’t want a date with Mr. Happy I can’t wait to please you…sign me up for the love NOW! When you meet Mr. Awesome please clone him and check into rehab because this hallucination is a doozy!

What men really want in a woman and vice a versa is to be happy, loved, respected and have equal involvement in a relationship and investment in each other.  Be yourself, go outside your comfort zone to find common interests and goals. Give and take with kindness and appreciation.  You will never attract anyone who’s healthier than you are so what you see is what you get. What men really want in a woman is probably a lot closer to what a woman really wants in a man, unfortunately the great divide is usually that men are kinesthetic and spend a lot of time telling women what they do and what physical things or goals they have whereas women are emotionally based and tell men how they feel and describe their goals and experiences in terms of feelings. Learn to bridge this gap and meet halfway and attraction will be almost automatic.  If you connect on the other person’s level you are well on the way to being the man or woman that men or women really want.  In the end it’s a long road to a silver, gold or platinum anniversary and all that other stuff won’t really matter if you are alone.  The most famous wealthiest recluse in history Howard Hughs gave new meaning to the term, ‘happiness is an inside job’.  The good ones will look inside for that happiness so let them see it and you will find what you really want. The love and relationship you want to attract will start as good friends who accept each other as WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get).  Great body or not, you have to match each other’s communication style and attract each other thru better listening and understanding of the opposites style of communication.  Men share some feelings, women talk some goal and logical actions and before you know it you both be on the same page giving each other what you really want, a great partner. As always please feel free to share your experiences and comments here anytime.   We always look forward to the feedback.

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9 Responses to “Are You The Woman Men Really Want?”

  1. Brittaney Lebroke says:

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  3. Mike says:

    May 20th, 2010 at 9:52 am

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