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Post written by Rick Doyle

How to Get Inside Your Lovers Head, Fast

This works on anyone’s head, not just your lover’s, and it is a very fast and fun exercise to do.  The Jahari window and the 90,000 versions of it that exist on the web are all based in some form of basic psychology.  It is not the end all to be all test, but it is designed to give you a subconscious peek and to let your lover, friend, family member, whoever takes it, gets a peek into what makes them tick too. It is a 4 question quiz that does not involve rocket science and you can NOT fail or flunk at it. Last but not least before you take it, remember it is supposed to be fun and an icebreaker not a CIA interrogation technique.  Relax, enjoy, it is really great for groups to get them comfortable and talking to each other and you.  So if you want to get inside your lovers head now, fast let’s get started! This whole quiz usually takes less than 10-15 minutes.

The Quiz- The Jahari Window

The instructions- Please follow these to the letter if you expect it to work. First ask, don’t tell unless it is a group setting (you, your ego, your alter ego and your lover do not comprise a “group”) “would you like to do something fun”?  If the answer is yes, proceed to step 2.  Tell the individual or group that they will need a single piece of paper (anything the size of a napkin or larger will work) and a pencil or pen.  Step 3, tell them this word for word;

I am going to ask you 4 very easy questions.  There are NO right or wrong answers.  It is just a fun quiz, period. First write the numbers,

1.

2.

3.

4.

Down the side of the paper leaving enough room for you to write 3 ONE WORD ANSWERS ONLY per line. (Don’t worry, I will give you an example below) Once they have done this you are ready to proceed. Be sure to tell them NOT to write anything until you have completely finished each question.  This is really important in a group setting. 

Step 4, (you are going to say this next): “I want you to think in your head about your favorite animal, (give them a second, then give them an example), it can be anything you want, dog, cat, bird, lion, fish, rat, stuffed animal, just picture it in your mind but NOT on the paper”. Ask them if they have it, most people don’t need 15 seconds to get this choice in their head.  Continue with, “I don’t want you to write down the animal, but I do want you to write down your 3 favorite characteristics about your favorite animal.  Please don’t tell me things like, (give these examples) fish are wet or swim or dogs are hairy and bark, I know that. What I want you to write down next to number 1 on your paper is things like, (give this example) dogs are aggressive, loyal, warm, affectionate, powerful or fish are free, evasive, sleek, beautiful. Tell me your 3 favorite characteristics about your favorite animal and be sure to only use ONE WORD descriptions only. Don’t tell me what they do, tell me the nature of their character that you like”. Give them about 30 seconds until they acknowledge they have completed writing down their 3 words for question number 1.  Now you are ready for question number 2. 

Step 5 (Again, say this word for word)

Ask this, “Okay, now think of your favorite color in the whole world.  Even though you might not do this, picture yourself in a room surrounded by that color. Everything in that room is that color, walls, floors, furniture, ceiling, EVERYTHING. You are not there long. Here is your question. Give me 3 ONE WORD DESCRIPTIONS ONLY for line number 2 for how it FEELS to be surrounded by that color.  For example, yellow might make you feel happy, outgoing, energetic or blue might make you feel mellow, calm, sad. Do not write down the color, just the 3 one word descriptions of how it feels to be surrounded by that color”.  Give them about 30 seconds until they acknowledge they have completed writing down their 3 words for question number 2.  Now you are ready for question number 3. (Groups take about 1 minute or so due to size and chatter).

Step 6 (You guessed it, say this word for word)

“We are ready for question number 3?  Remember that there are no right or wrong answers here.  Okay, I want you to picture your favorite body of water in your head, do not write it down.  It can be whatever you want, (examples) ocean, river, stream, lake, glass of water, toilet bowl whatever is your favorite body of water picture it in your head now.  Got it?  What I want you to do is give me your 3 favorite characteristics about your favorite body of water, ONE WORD DESCRIPTIONS on line 3 only. Please don’t tell me that water is wet, or blue, I know that.  Give me characteristics like, (examples, powerful, freeing, calming, rush, plain…)”.  Give them about 30 seconds until they acknowledge they have completed writing down their 3 words for question number 3.  Now you are ready for question number 4. (Again groups take about 1 minute or so due to size and chatter).

Step 7 (You are getting this down, word for word, last one)

“Question number four asks you to imagine you are in a room, surrounded on ALL sides, NO doors, and only one sealed window in front of you. You look out the window and see the most beautiful scene of your life. The kicker is as you look at the most beautiful scene of your life all of a sudden, BAM! it is gone.  You can’t get it back, you can’t ever leave the room, just total darkness.  Give me 3 ONE WORD DESCRIPTIONS ONLY about how it feels regarding the loss of that scene on line 4.”  (You will repeat this) “You’re in a room, surrounded on all sides, no doors, only a window.  As you look out you see the most beautiful scene of your life, then suddenly it’s gone forever, you can never leave the room, just total darkness, give me 3 single words that describe how you FEEL about the loss of that scene”.  Give them about 30 seconds to one minute or until they acknowledge they have completed writing down their 3 words for question number 4.  Now you are ready to see what makes your lover tick or for that matter what is in your head or the group’s head that you’re working with. Here are your final instructions and the analysis for the Jahari Window.

Step 8

If you are doing this with a friend, lover, mate, one on one, have them read their answers to number 1, their 3 words.  If it is a group, ask them to pair up and then ask them to share their answers with someone else only one number at a time.  In a group setting BEFORE you give the analysis for EACH question, ask a few in the group 3 or 4 people to READ their 3 words for each question number out loud. GO completely thru each questions analysis BEFORE you move to the next 3 word set.  Obviously if it is one on one you will go straight to analysis. 

Give them this word for word as always “Here is what Question number 1 was REALLY asking, (this was the favorite animal question) “How you think others see you!  Here is the reasoning behind the question:  People will pick the favorite characteristics of their favorite animal by what they want to PROJECT!  An example might be: Dog – if it’s a Rottweiler, their 3 words might be powerful, dominant, aggressive.  If their favorite animal was a Teddy Bear or Rabbit- their 3 words might be warm, gentle, sweet.  How you think other people see you is what you want to project based on your favorite animals favorite characteristics. Hard core leather jacket kind of guy – Rottweiler.  Sweet home town girl, rabbit”.  (Sneaky isn’t it?  Ask one thing and get straight to the subconscious heart and soul of the matter)

Here is what Question number 2 was REALLY asking, (this was the favorite color in the room question.  Give them this word for word as always) “What question number two is really asking is – How you see yourself!  Color has been and is well proven to represent how a person feels inside or at least what that color represents for them and their current feelings.  Examples are black or red might have words like, dominant, controlling, powerful.  Blue might have words like, relaxed, calming, graceful.  It is NOT about the color.  It is about how they FEEL and the words tell the story from the inside out.  It is easy for a person to give a padded answer to the question, how do you feel? When a person is asked about their favorite color and is disguised as innocent, not as direct, you may see a lighter or much darker self esteem than you had planned on.”

(This one always gets some very fun answers in a group setting so don’t spoil it, get the three words from a bunch of folks BEFORE you give the analysis).  Here is what Question number 3 was REALLY asking, (this was the favorite body of water question.  Give them this word for word as always) “What question number 3 is really asking is – How you see SEX for yourself! Water goes back to the womb, sexuality represents how you see sex for yourself.  Examples you hear will range from healthy and fun to many freaky things in it like cold, clammy, dark, frigid, stale, you get the picture. Most of the time they are fun answers that you want to hear in a lovers head like, ongoing, refreshing, invigorating, fast, well maybe not fast”.  (Groups love this and it is a great icebreaker and fun to watch them chatter).

Here is what Question number 4 was REALLY asking, (this was the sealed room, window, scene, gone forever question):  (Give them this word for word as always) “What question number four is really asking is- How you see your own death or the loss of a long term relationship (not someone else’s but your own only).  People by nature do not grieve or experience loss well. They don’t easily express how they feel or are very uncomfortable if you were to ask them directly about death or permanently and unexpectedly terminated relationships.  This question has NORMAL expected answers like angry, lonely, fearful, scared, frustrated, lost, overwhelmed.  These are normal answers.  The most beautiful scene represents your life, the best of the best.  It also can represent long term relationships.  We are glad to know that a sudden and unexpected total loss, life ending or relationship, is supposed to feel like those feelings listed above and that is normal.”  Once in about every 500 times I do this exercise I’ll get answers like spiritual, grateful, serene, close to God.  This is not bad.  In fact it is very good.  This is a rare and very spiritual person who is very together when it comes to closure, acceptance and are spiritually reliant on faith outside of themselves.  They are a bit rare but they are in a pretty good place when it comes to loss and being able to handle it, despite their unusual answers.

I hope I have given you a little fast peek inside your lovers head without cracking it wide open.  When we learn to ask the right questions and to work around the pat answer to get to the deeper meaning we sometimes get a pleasant surprise, and sometimes an unpleasant surprise.  As I said above this is a quiz, exercise that is supposed to be fun.  It is designed to be an icebreaker or just help you get to know someone fast without being too invasive.  If you liked this please read our category Date Smart! where we will have more tests and quizzes as well as some great discussions around them.  Keep us posted on how this one works for you and as always feel free to ask us or Ask Rickhead any questions you have, anytime.