Revolving Door Relationships, Date Smart! Chapter 1.2

Monday, March 30, 2009 1:00
Posted in category Date Smart
<div class=\"postavatar\">Revolving Door Relationships, Date Smart! Chapter 1.2</div>

Post written by Rick Doyle and Dave Coleman (See Relationships page for author information)

Revolving Door Relationships

Date Smart! Chapter 1.2

From our last post, Picking Up the Snake, the snake’s victim, like many of you, has what we refer to as a Broken Picker. This means she picked or chose to interact with a dangerous entity with visible warning signs, knowing full well what it was and the unhappy consequences it could bring. Having a Broken Picker is not gender specific. While we used a woman as an example, the victim could have easily been a man.

How many times have you picked the wrong person or stayed in a relationship too long? After ending one, have you immediately gotten involved in another that was just as bad or worse? How many times have you crossed back over a burned bridge to a person you swore you’d never return to? Do you use rationalizations that you’ve already learned don’t work, such as: “He promised to change.” “She said she’d get help.” “I’ll never be treated like that again.” “This time things will be different.”

How often have you watched friends and family make poor selections as they go from marriage to marriage, separation to separation, and divorce to divorce, as they ask themselves, “Why does this keep happening to me?” “Where is my perfect match?” “Why can’t I find someone who’s right for me?” “Why doesn’t someone find me?” “When am I going to get a break?” We lament but rarely learn. Those of you who are single, feeling lonely, or stuck in a dead-end relationship can relate all too well. What we identify as “Revolving-Door Relationships” result from poor picking. They represent how we go in & out and in & out and in & out of unhealthy relationships without understanding why, or how to exit the revolving door cycle. We continue the pattern because it’s what we know. Making poor choices and ending up in a relationship with the wrong person can be easier than choosing a healthy, well-rounded partner. After a series of unhealthy relationships would you even recognize or participate in a healthy one? There are three categories of revolving door relationships: “The Burned Bridge”, “The Browser” and “The Desert.” Once you learn to identify the one(s) you’ve experienced, we’ll give you the tools to fix your broken picker so you can attract someone you can be healthy with.  We will cover each one of these three categories over the next 3 posts.  Those who read and follow these posts will find that with the information we will give you in Date Smart!, we hope to provide you with a new empowerment and stability that will help you close unhealthy revolving door relationships.  With each post and readers comments, you may find eventually a healthy loving relationship based on new and healthy behaviors.  Better picking should evolve for those whom the door has been swinging too long.  We look forward to sharing our solutions and your journey.

Please come back each week as we will post the next piece of each chapter broken down into posts that you can comment on, ask questions or share your thoughts. We will eventually update and post the whole book Date Smart!


*Special thanks for co-writing this article goes to Dave Coleman AKA The Dating Doctor.  Dave and I wrote Date Smart! back in Jan.  2000. The publication rights have now reverted over to us equally and, with Dave’s permission, I have edited the book and modernized some of the ideas we originally wrote.  The book, Date Smart! is still available through some stores and you can contact Random House to request the book be reprinted.  With enough demand they might just contact Dave and I to republish and possibly write another one.  We are basically giving you the book to read in posts and encourage you to visit both Dave’s website and of course all parts of our website Neither the posts nor the book are in any way to be republished or sold or used without our express specific written permission and all posts are copyrighted and protected (ISBN-10: 0761521739,ISBN-13: 978-0761521730). Dave and I have written a number of articles together as well and so this serves as the byline.  A huge thank you to Dave for sharing both our efforts and time to write what we hope are insightful, intriguing and informative articles that we share the creative collaboration and credit for working on over a number of years.

You can contact Rick by posting or by emailing askrickhead [at] topicisland [dot] com or read posts at Ask Rickhead or you can write Dave at:

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6 Responses to “Revolving Door Relationships, Date Smart! Chapter 1.2”

  1. Tomblin1098 says:

    July 26th, 2010 at 3:15 am

    I dont write on many blogs that I come across but I felt I couldn’t pass up the opportunity with this one. Nice post. I can only imagine what you will be creating in the future.

  2. Monje9 says:

    July 20th, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Such a well written post.. Thnkx for sharing this post!

  3. scooby doo cake says:

    July 19th, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    I can’t but agree.I always wanted to write in my site something like that but I guess you’r faster.

  4. Mitchel Gallentine says:

    July 13th, 2010 at 4:54 am

    This is a great post.

  5. Gruenhagen7209 says:

    June 25th, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Thanks for a great post and interesting comments. Thanks for sharing this post.

  6. Santo Mclernon says:

    April 1st, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    I’m very interested in this subject and I myself do alot of research as well. Either way it was a well thoughtout and nice read so I figured I would leave you a comment.

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