Sabotaging Yourself, Date Smart! Chapter 1.8

Saturday, April 25, 2009 1:00
Posted in category Date Smart
<div class=\"postavatar\">Sabotaging Yourself, Date Smart! Chapter 1.8</div>

Post written by Rick Doyle and Dave Coleman (See Relationships page for author information)

Sabotaging Yourself

Date Smart! Chapter 1.8

Date Smart! examines the mechanisms, characteristics, pit falls and shortcomings that may have caused your conception of love to fail, if you even had one in the first place. A significant number of people whom we talk to inevitably want to know, why they can’t find love and why they continuously sabotage healthy love when they find it? Having a Broken Picker prevents you from choosing quality partners and getting into or maintaining healthy relationships.


How do Broken Pickers get damaged in the first place? Through repeated relationship failures. You develop personality characteristics that subconsciously demand failure. Here are several analogies that may make this point much clearer.

1. Think back to high school. There was always one standout – a gorgeous, straight A student, prom queen, and cheerleader who could date anyone she chose to. Ten years later, the most recent news is she’s living in a broken down trailer with her three kids after her husband ran off with their 18-year-old baby-sitter. The once prom queen is now spending her days munching potato chips, watching soap operas, and collecting welfare. She’s at a total loss about how her life turned out this way.

2. A young intelligent, attractive, and dedicated employee puts in countless hours trying to get ahead. Two weeks before his annual review he begins showing up late for work, dressed less than for success – unshaven and disheveled. He’s half-asleep at his desk and lunch hours extend well into the afternoon with no excuse. While his work has been impeccable for nearly a year, just prior to his review everything is going wrong, for no apparent reason. Once again, he’s passed up for promotion.

3. A baseball player has a spectacular season going. He’s hitting exceptionally well, with timing so perfect he appears able to hit the ball blind-folded. In his next game, he gets up to the plate and strikes out. He doesn’t think much about it. The next time he pops out. His third at bat, he grounds out. Finally, he strikes out again. He becomes so concerned about his average being affected that he tenses up. What was once a natural, automatic, and confident rhythm has become a painful, agonizing event. The player is so consumed with the fear of failure that he has moved far from his comfort zone. Stress, anxiety, and a lack of confidence have become overwhelming factors to guarantee failure. In spite of his prior successful hitting record, he’s now conditioned to expect failure.

4. Our final example is as simple as a burglar who accidentally leaves his driver’s license at the scene of the crime.

What do all four people have in common? They’re subconsciously driven to fail (we will discuss the reason at length in later posts). How do these scenarios relate to you and your life? How many times have you gone on a date, and were so apprehensive that you blew it? How often have you played out a scenario of failure in your mind before you even said, “Hello?” Prior conditioning made it easier to make a poor relationship choice than a healthy one because you’ve done it many times before.

Please come back each week as we will post the next piece of each chapter broken down into posts that you can comment on, ask questions or share your thoughts. We will eventually update and post the whole book Date Smart!



*Special thanks for co-writing this article goes to Dave Coleman AKA The Dating Doctor. Dave and I wrote Date Smart! back in Jan. 2000. The publication rights have now reverted over to us equally and, with Dave’s permission, I have edited the book and modernized some of the ideas we originally wrote. The book, Date Smart! is still available through some stores and you can contact Random House to request the book be reprinted. With enough demand they might just contact Dave and I to republish and possibly write another one. We are basically giving you the book to read in posts and encourage you to visit both Dave’s website and of course all parts of our website Neither the posts nor the book are in any way to be republished or sold or used without our express specific written permission and all posts are copyrighted and protected (ISBN-10: 0761521739,ISBN-13: 978-0761521730). Dave and I have written a number of articles together as well and so this serves as the byline. A huge thank you to Dave for sharing both our efforts and time to write what we hope are insightful, intriguing and informative articles that we share the creative collaboration and credit for working on over a number of years.



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