The Burned Bridge, Date Smart! Chapter 1.3

Wednesday, April 1, 2009 1:00
Posted in category Date Smart
<div class=\"postavatar\">The Burned Bridge, Date Smart! Chapter 1.3</div>

Post written by Rick Doyle and Dave Coleman (See Relationships page for author information)

 “The Burned Bridge”

Date Smart! Chapter 1.3 


We refer to the first category of Revolving Door Relationships as “The Burned Bridge.” This relationship is one where you return to someone who you had a bad relationship with. While it ended the first time for reasons that were painful, you still return to this person, mainly for the wrong reasons. Some of the reasons include financial security, loneliness, jealousy, sex, children, anger, to prove everyone else “wrong” and that you can make it work -this time. You repeat the old refrain that keeps us going back for more – “This time will be different.” It rarely is. You put yourself through more unhappiness, frustration, and disappointment before accepting that nothing has changed.

This type of relationship ends because only one of you travels back over the burned bridge – you! Since neither of you has changed significantly, the situation can’t be any different than what it was originally. There was no major effort made or new approaches used to change how the relationship functioned in the first place. A 100% failure rate is inevitable. If it looks like a duck – walks like a duck – sounds like a duck – surprise – it’s a duck!

See if this sounds familiar.  He has slept with your best friend and sister. You’ve had enough and never want to see him again. You burn the bridge and proclaim that you’ve “had enough and are never going back again.” Three weeks later, you’re back with him. It feels like old times – like courtship the first time. He’s charming, attentive, a perfect gentleman. You returned to him because he needed you and you’re the only one in the world for him. Four months later, he’s back to making passes at everyone with a skirt.

Why are they unfaithful? Because they know you’ll tolerate it. Your threats to end the relationship for good are groundless. They know you’ll take them back every time if they say the right words and make the right promises. They know they’ll get away with doing what hurts you, so why should they stop? It can take many more rounds of this until you’re finally fed up enough to break the cycle. But it doesn’t have to. Burn the bridge down, and blaze a new trail to happiness without regret or remorse.  In the next post we will examine “The Browser”.  Keep in mind that each post is a piece of the book Date Smart! and we welcome your comments, experience, questions and hope that if we are describing someone you know or even yourself, you will come back often to hopefully get answers and create informed change for you and others. 
Please come back each week as we will post the next piece of each chapter broken down into posts that you can comment on, ask questions or share your thoughts. We will eventually update and post the whole book Date Smart!


*Special thanks for co-writing this article goes to Dave Coleman AKA The Dating Doctor. Dave and I wrote Date Smart! back in Jan. 2000. The publication rights have now reverted over to us equally and, with Dave’s permission, I have edited the book and modernized some of the ideas we originally wrote. The book, Date Smart! is still available through some stores and you can contact Random House to request the book be reprinted. With enough demand they might just contact Dave and I to republish and possibly write another one. We are basically giving you the book to read in posts and encourage you to visit both Dave’s website and of course all parts of our website Neither the posts nor the book are in any way to be republished or sold or used without our express specific written permission and all posts are copyrighted and protected (ISBN-10: 0761521739,ISBN-13: 978-0761521730). Dave and I have written a number of articles together as well and so this serves as the byline. A huge thank you to Dave for sharing both our efforts and time to write what we hope are insightful, intriguing and informative articles that we share the creative collaboration and credit for working on over a number of years.


You can contact Rick by posting or by emailing askrickhead [at] topicisland [dot] com or read posts at Ask Rickhead or you can write Dave at:

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One Response to “The Burned Bridge, Date Smart! Chapter 1.3”

  1. arEbenstein10 says:

    April 26th, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    Can I link this blog from my website?

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