The Desert, Date Smart! Chapter 1.5

Friday, April 10, 2009 1:00
Posted in category Date Smart
<div class=\"postavatar\">The Desert, Date Smart! Chapter 1.5</div>
Post written by Rick Doyle and Dave Coleman (See Relationships page for author information)

“The Desert”

Date Smart! Chapter 1.5

We refer to the third category of Revolving Door Relationships as “The Desert.” Like the terrain it’s named for, this relationship is dry, dead, and barren. Like a desert, there was little sign of life from the beginning, making it obvious that it should never have started in the first place. But that didn’t stop it from taking off and lasting for years. The marriage announcement should have read, “I do, I know, I chose to ignore.” Those of you experienced in multi-marriages will be able to relate.

“Desert” relationships are futile from the beginning. Choosing to be in one is usually for the wrong reasons. You allow yourself to get into this type of relationship because of obligation, expectations (family pressure), religion, fantasy (they’ll change), debt, long-term co-habitation or you think that being good friends will make up for not being good lovers.

While these types of relationships tend to have some charm and perhaps some romance in the beginning, the climate isn’t conducive for growth. At least one of your wells runs dry quickly. But instead of looking for love and a relationship that could provide it, you’ll stand at the dry well. How long will you wait for passionate love that you know won’t come? How long can you convince yourself that you’re doing the right thing when you stay in a relationship to meet external needs that doesn’t give you what you really desire?

Our goal is to replace the dry, desolate conditions, which have drained the passion from you, with a hot, steamy and satisfying climate where the environment is perfect for growth. Like a rose can’t survive desert conditions for long, neither can you.

While there is a difference between a dry spell and looking for a monsoon, keep in mind there is a fine point in the middle where balance lies.  The opposite of black is white, hot is cold, sick and well.  If you bought that last one you are mistaken.  The opposite of sick is…sick. Here are few examples:  The opposite of totally shy or withdrawn is totally aggressive or hyper.  The opposite of narcissistic personality would be a severe codependent.  The opposite of ego maniac might be an inferiority complex.  The point we’re making is the opposite of the desert personality might be the total control freak.  From no interest or involvement to the opposite, being completely and totally domineering and controlling, just means that the opposite of sick is sick, not well.  Well healthy, normal is somewhere in the middle.  Many people think if they just choose the opposite of what they picked relationship-wise last time they’ll get it right the next time.  This shows that as we look more into Date Smart! we will find a healthier middle.   Keep reading our posts and watch yourself change for the better.

Please come back each week as we will post the next piece of each chapter broken down into posts that you can comment on, ask questions or share your thoughts. We will eventually update and post the whole book Date Smart!

*Special thanks for co-writing this article goes to Dave Coleman AKA The Dating Doctor. Dave and I wrote Date Smart!

back in Jan. 2000. The publication rights have now reverted over to us equally and, with Dave’s permission, I have edited the book and modernized some of the ideas we originally wrote. The book, Date Smart!

is still available through some stores and you can contact Random House to request the book be reprinted. With enough demand they might just contact Dave and I to republish and possibly write another one. We are basically giving you the book to read in posts and encourage you to visit both Dave’s website and of course all parts of our website Neither the posts nor the book are in any way to be republished or sold or used without our express specific written permission and all posts are copyrighted and protected (ISBN-10: 0761521739, ISBN-13: 978-0761521730). Dave and I have written a number of articles together as well and so this serves as the byline. A huge thank you to Dave for sharing both our efforts and time to write what we hope are insightful, intriguing and informative articles that we share the creative collaboration and credit for working on over a number of years.

You can contact Rick by posting or by emailing askrickhead [at] topicisland [dot] com or read posts at Ask Rickhead or you can write Dave at:




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