Celebrities Relationship Failure, Disposable Relationships

Saturday, June 20, 2009 12:00
Posted in category Divorce
<div class=\"postavatar\">Celebrities Relationship Failure, Disposable Relationships</div>

Post Written By Rick Doyle

Celebrities Relationship Failure and Disposable Relationships

What is going on that the world wastes millions of dollars and billions of hours reading, writing and focusing on celebrities’ relationship failures?  Oh right, that’s what I’m doing now.  Well, the point is it’s a lot easier to look at the glass half full than half empty.  Many people are just happy that it’s you and not them and their relationships that are about to get ugly and painful.  It is also a way to differ or transfer your issues of relationship failure and sometimes even fantasize or compare the celebrities relationship failure as a barometer, sort of a misery index by which to gauge what’s okay or socially acceptable. Take Jon and Kate for example.  Judging from the quality of brow beating Jon took you could see Kate was the purest definition of pissed off, unhappy, angry and a nag.  Less than happy and on the road to an ugly divorce could have been predicted by almost any armchair quarterback.  If not, I can’t tell you how many people, male and female, at the mention of Jon and Kate would ask, “What is wrong with that guy?  He just takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’ so when is he going to leave her?”  Answer, about 2 years ago.  Hey, great reality show!  It’s said that Jon and Kate were separated for 2 years worth of shows but last season they even went to Hawaii to renew their vows on national TV during their separation!  Hello world, will the biggest suckers on the planet please stand up?  America, how could you watch these two for years and not only believe that divorce was the best option going for these two as well as their 8 children, but to see the tension and stress of PRETENDING that everything was okay says we are either the most gullible people on the planet or along with TLC they’re the greatest liars in history!

I must confess I watched reruns a few times when I couldn’t sleep to see what the fuss was about.  I would rather watch shark attacks on Animal Planet or the history of clowns on the History Channel.  On Jon and Kate’s behalf not too many relationships could have held up under the strain of the reality cameras weekly barrage and the celebrity lifestyle status but c’mon folks, this thing was a titanic failure before it even left the dock.  A six pack of kids at once plus twins and you have instant and constant chaos but then to throw all the camera pressure and celebrity status and your simply adding fuel to the fire. Look at some of the other celebrities’ relationships that failed like Madonna, Jackson, Pitt, Aniston, Jolie, Affleck, Lopez, Willis, Moore, Gibson, Heche, Trump, Sutherland, Twain, Sheen, Anderson, Penn, Mills, McCartney, Van Halen, Bertinelli, Spears,  Baldwin, Locklear,  Brinkley, Richards, Stone, Cruise, Costner, Pink, Freeman and this list could be nearly infinite.  There is even a Divorce Magazine.com for the “EX” generation.  Tell me that the obsession in the media does not move a million tabloids a day.  I don’t imagine the relationships of those who are reading, buying and watching are going all that well.  Just think about the number of friends we have who are on marriage number 2,3,4 or even more.  We have a name for this; disposable relationships. I have a theory as to where disposable relationships stemmed from.

Man was not designed to survive this long, this fast.  Our physical evolution has happened much too quickly to allow us sufficient time to adjust so the disposable relationship is a side-effect. Think about man in terms of evolution and relationships.  It is generally agreed that 20,000 years ago man had an average life expectancy of about 21 years.  It increased to about 25 years of age 100 to 400 AD. From then until 1850 it fluctuated between 18 years of age (due to the black death and plague years) to a robust 35 years of age with about 30 as an average.  From 1850 to 2000 it suddenly skyrockets to 77.7 years of age, better than doubling man’s life expectancy in a mere 150 years.  For about 20,000 years we got hooked up or married somewhere around the ages of 10-13, had a child or two and if the mother survived a long relationship was maybe 10 years to 15 years maximum. Most were 3-7 years on average.  Not too tough to keep things going for a span of 3 to 5 years.  Over the next 1850 years the relationship span nearly doubled to 7 to15 years. A little fast but we invented polygamy, divorce, marriage annulments and spousal murder as a few coping mechanisms.  In the next 150 years medicine, vaccines, sanitation, surgery, soap, bathrooms and about a gazillion other things managed to shove the life expectancy up the charts by a staggering 300%.  What I believe happened was that emotional tolerance was simply not evolving fast enough and in combination with the extreme sedentary lifestyle of modern man, let alone the modern celebrity attraction, and maintaining attraction has become nearly impossible. Add a little chemistry like pheromone tolerance (A little side note here: It is well documented, TLC, Discovery Channel, books and articles that scent and phermones are very important to attraction between two people.  It is also important that while they smell great to you and it is part of courtship to be attracted to your mate by smell as well as other attraction factors, just like any drug or chemical or even alcohol a person can and will develop tolerance over time. It just so happens that studies indicate that the scent attraction dulls around 5-7 years into a relationship.  Less spark and new temptation of other people to respark those phermones are not good for long term relationships survival.), middle age and huge temptation with increased population come variety and that means the spice of life or as my theory goes the ingredients for a divorce and relationship failure. Where a relationship was once a silver anniversary at 5 years it is now at 50 years, a tenfold increase. I think that you can throw all the religion and societal rules at a relationship you want but when evolution and overwhelming temptations for a change or a quick fix and chemical lust abound because even if you go back 100,000 or even 500,000 years in our existence we simply could not adapt to such a radical increase in such a short time.  The final ingredient for celebrity relationship failure, which may or may not be present in the average relationship, is access and ease of disposal.

Since the 1950s religion either had to adapt or lose its followers.  Society had to find a way to resolve its inner conflicts (also known as domestic violence and community disruption)  hence Divorce Court aka Domestic Relations.  The society in which we live was no longer finding itself recoiling from the failure of a relationship and failed commitment but instead was learning to embrace it. Then came Annulments (the relationship didn’t even happen) then Common Law Marriage (skip the paper hold the commitment so you can make this a disposable relationship without the expense of lawyers) and finally you have the mass media frenzy of today with Jon and Kate and other celebrities.  They make headline news on Monday with their breakup and by Wednesday someone announces through a spokesperson that they have moved on or it was their affair that led to the break up in only a few years.  Then comes the jealousy and finally the new hookup which is almost as interesting and sells as many tabloids as the breakup.  Hiring or appointing a spokesperson to handle the communication and press have become the norm. With enough television and modeling of that our children grow up learning to believe that 3-7 years is long enough and the disposable relationship is born. Celebrities have become the example of love ’em and leave ’em and when people are unhappy with their own lives they quickly use the mainstream examples as the templates that their own lives should follow. Working through problems, differences, temptations and complications are too hard and it’s easier to let the imminent failure of the relationship occur and accept it rather than work at commitment and change to insure the relationship survives.

Letting go and moving on now comes with fireworks, headlines and a settlement party.  Children learn to quit on their relationships when they hit a bump.  The 50 year wedding anniversary seems to be in dire jeopardy and long term relationships are possibly poised for extinction. Celebrities relationship failure may just be the model or demonstration of what happens when we evolve too fast but the documentation and coverage has become the lessons we hold up to society as acceptable.  It has become the permission slip that cosigns instant happiness with an affair.  It relates in some part to the 5 rules of the world and many articles we have written from our book Date Smart!  Revolving door relationships, disposable marriage and instant gratification are now the benchmark that the media and the celebrities embrace as the divorce solution gets a makeover and the length of time you can expect a relationship to last looks like a single digit number. Children adapt and always practice what their parents demonstrate making sure that each generation gets better with more practice. That’s how we got here.  Couples and families that start working through, toughing out and resolving issues rather than quitting them might just reverse this trend but I doubt it will get any media coverage or celebrity popularity. Sounds too much like work but you never know what the next 20,000 years will bring. That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.  Until next week!

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