I Need Advice

Ask Rickhead

Did you ever wish you had a friend who would offer advice, tell you what you need to hear, no matter what?  A relationship with someone who won’t pad the truth or tell you what they think you want to hear.  This includes dating losers for extended periods of time hoping it will get better when commons sense says it is a deadend but your friends tell you to spare your feelings, “just stick with it 5 more years, it’ll get better”. The type of person who’s advice would tell you what you need to realize or what to do to feel better.  Usually when we point our finger at someone we fail to see that there are 3 fingers pointing straight back at ourselves.  Typically the things we dislike the most in others are the things we dislike the most in ourselves. Ask Rickhead is a blog that gives you an unbiased opinion from a brutally honest source that might just snap things back into perspective. Okay, so we’ve explained what Ask Rickhead is, but now you’re wondering what qualifies this person to dish it out?  17 years as a therapist, specializing in addictions, especially relationship addiction, alcohol and drug abuse as well as trauma and abuse from living with relationships that come with these addictions, plus 48 years of living experience.   But why a “Rickhead”?  Because this is a clean site and we don’t want to change the R to a D!  Sometimes when you get the in-your-face answer, you get so angry you might call the other person a few choice words.  Then a few days later you look back and think to yourself, “OMG.  They were so right”.  Hence the Rickheads in your life get to look at you and say, “I told you so”.  Which typically leads to more 4 letter words.  This will hopefully be a place where good advice, suggestions, common sense will prevail and suggestions, change, problems with dating with solutions that can lead to love and support will be found as well as help put feelings and facts into perspective.  So we have opened this page for you to tell us your problem and we will do our very best to tell you what we think might help, even if you don’t want to hear it.  We may say it gently, or if necessary with a sledgehammer, but always with the best intentions.

Now, here’s the part where we CYA.  While the advice you’re looking for is from a retired professional with a lot of mileage, it is meant for entertainment purposes only.  Use your common sense.  Seeing a currently qualified professional should always be considered a first choice and this blog/forum is not responsible or liable if you choose to literally or figuratively follow its recommendations, suggestions and/or its consequential results.  In other words we offer a different opinion or speculation regarding an individual’s desire to get a little different and straight from the hip insight on a particular problem.  Kind of like a Dear Abby column on steroids.  What you do with our responses to your questions/problems are up to you.

A few simple rules for how and what we comment on:

Keep it clean.  We don’t mind sensitive topics, in fact we encourage them, but we won’t tolerate offensive language. Please engage brain before typing.

The best we’ll ever be is human:  We will answer as many questions as we can but not all questions can be answered and not all questions are within our scope. Questions that lack any common sense likely will get answered first.

Please do not send us a life story that includes a minute by minute breakdown of every day of the last 20 years…please get to the point. This is a blog not an interview for your mini-series.

This is supposed to be fun! I’m always happy to get the tough questions but I also want you to share the silly, the insane, curious, stupid, embarrassing stories and questions dealing with relationships, children, parents, friends, ex-friends, in-laws, soon-to-be ex’s, bad advice from others, weird feelings, problems with love or lovers and losers, dating, addiction,  etc.  Just remember that our goal is to be honest, not to blow sunshine up your backside.  Then again we will welcome your stories of romantic drool just as well.

You might think that your problem feels unique, but it’s not! Chances are that someone, somewhere has done the same thing before you and you’re likely to find others you relate to here and hopefully even a solution or two. If nothing else, at least you’ll find a second opinion.  You’re here, which means that you are looking to change what you aren’t happy with.  You’re looking for new information and ways to make that change. Practice makes perfect, right?  If your first four marriages ended in divorce then without new information bad marriage number five will probably end like the first four.  Because nothing has changed and there’s no new data.  It’s like dropping someone who only speaks Chinese into the U.S. and expecting them to speak English with no training.  Changing the geography (or spouse) doesn’t alter anything without new data, new ideas and new understanding in order to transform and grow. The saying, “wherever you go, you’re there”, is true and if you don’t change those thoughts and feelings that didn’t work in the last marriage, divorce, bad relationship chances are you will pick what you are familiar with, again. This also applies to switching addictions.

Obviously, not all opinions and ideas are good.  However, by human nature whatever you are familiar with (good or bad) you will seek out.  Whatever you practice you get good at. We hope that by offering a little education and perspective while suggesting some new sources or behaviors to examine what and why you got where you are will allow you to become the master of your own changes and destiny.  With some simple truths about how to see what drives you, you can then change where you go.  Please remember that feelings are not facts, they are thoughts.  If you change the thoughts then you change the feelings. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and opinions, so please respect that we are here to look for what will work for you and leave the rest behind!  While it may sting or make you laugh, check yourself before you comment. If your comments are just to zing, then it’s probably not very helpful.  On the other hand a zing with direction can be.  This is a blog that can explore many, problems, many solutions and maybe put some smiles on faces and an occasional hmm or aha!

Last but not least, if you are medicated, seriously disturbed, under current medical care, in need of any psychological/psychiatric/medical or counseling/therapy care please continue your therapies/medications/treatments or seek professional help.  You can feel free to use this site to add, educate, further inform yourself or share.  But keep in mind that this is an internet site for entertainment purposes only and as such you assume responsibility for yourself and how you react or respond to what is here.  We are not treating anyone and are not liable or responsible for what you do with the information/experiences you may find here. Have fun and be open minded, but at your own risk/reward.

Want to Ask Rickhead a question click here:  Ask Rickhead

or you can email directly: askrickhead [at] topicisland [dot] com