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Post written by Rick Doyle

When the Diaper is Mightier than the Dad

Some men are made of steel while others are intellectual masterminds but no matter how clever, strong or even mightier than a super hero the Achilles Heel is universally a weak stomach.  A few years ago as a brand new Dad, I had the honor and privilege to change our newborn twins’ very first poopy diapers, while we were still in the hospital.  I took a firm stance, drew a deep breath, pulled my sword and proceeded to slay the beasts.  Hey, I can do this!  No big deal.  Undo the sides, use wipes, remove old diaper, slide fresh diaper under the baby, apply diaper rash cream or powder, dress and swaddle.  Then repeat the entire process for the other baby.  I was feeling very superior and confident, that is, until smell arrived completely without warning.  It was all fine and dandy and suddenly I realized this was no longer a job for the average Dad.  Nothing could have prepared me for the shock of overwhelming stench that was generated by my two sweet little babies.  My life became dominated by those three little words every man loathes to hear, “It’s your turn.”

I am a loving husband, a proud Dad and a man determined not to shirk his paternal duties or embarrass himself by gagging and retching over a dirty diaper.  I am very manly and brave when faced with vomit, spit up, urine and blood but am reduced to a quivering whimp with the dreaded poop.  I must overcome and conquer this unbearable weakness, but how?  I figured that a paper face mask was not going to keep any serious smells out.  I knew that a wet towel around the head was not practical and would require one hand to hold up which would mean the loss of a hand that was needed to prevent the child from flinging poo (Children like to investigate textures by sticking their little hands in it and then waving the hand around, gag!).  I also didn’t have the access, funds or enough time to allow the use of a full body bio hazard suit with regards to “change your son/daughter NOW”. So I bravely went forth to Home Depot and found myself standing in front of the respirators for painting and dealing with chemicals, etc.  My wife would have killed me for buying a full canister gas mask but I reasoned that a respirator might just do the trick.  Then, I spotted it. The MSA Half Face Respirator model 817663.  The manufacturer states that it’s ideal for working with lead, asbestos, toxic dusts, fiberglass, ammonia, formaldehyde or certain acid gases.  Silicone sealed with changeable cartridges, full rubber seal around the mouth and nose with adjustable head and neck straps and a three point safety harness.  It can be used at work, in the garage, or even in the event of a terrorist attack. Yes, the coward had a weapon to use that was effective and yet only about $37.00! Now comes the dangerous part, testing!

I had to put it to the test as soon as I got home.  In fact when your children are eating a ton of fiber from whole grains, fruits and veggies they were pooping 3 to 5 times a day which amounts to over 70 diapers a week.  This respirator was going to see some serious combat.  I hung it on a hook with the diaper bag.  At the first hint of stink I donned the protective gear and went to the front lines.  Yes, I conquered the smell, the fear and the gag was gone!  I have to admit that the sight of a particularly gnarly mess will result in the occasional gag but with the smell gone I can face my duties like a man.  Potty training is now complete but I can say without reservation that the $37 I spent was the best money I ever spent.  Especially if you consider that most children before they’re potty trained will entertain playing in the mess with their hands and will finger paint everything from one end of a room, crib or even themselves.  Cleaning this mess without Mom around is absolutely dire important to do quickly and gag free. Don’t forget with twins you get twice the stink, twice the poop and twice the dirty diapers at once.

The only thing I was NOT prepared for was the ribbing I would take for wearing protective gear.  My lovely wife took great pleasure when family and friends were around to point out, “It’s your turn dear”. This was code for, “Hey, you gotta see Daddy in his respirator changing a diaper!”  Yes, those who have a stronger stomach than I laughed and made fun of me, a lot.  But at the end of the day, with potty training accomplished, I survived and took part in supporting the bottom line.  Being a good parent sometimes includes doing things you don’t want to and helping all those around you from your children to your wife. By the way what inspired this confession was a video my bother in law sent me of guys, more than one who could not take the pressure and hadn’t discovered this easy fix.  So I put this video in so you could see what it is like and what brave Daddy’s will endure to help, despite their weaknesses.  I also included a picture of the mask so those of you looking for the cheap but highly effective way out will know what to ask for when you get to Home Depot or Lowes or where ever you go to get your protective diaper changing gear.

Is it the Poopinator?

On a final note, after years of use I still have my trusty respirator and use it for painting or sanding and other uses around the house/farm for what it was really intended for respiration and not inhaling toxic fumes.  No I will not sell it, so go get your own.  A special thank you to my kids’ Mom for stepping in to change the really bad ones and not making me take my protective gear along when we went out to eat or shopping.  I hope I save many of you from embarassing videos of you gagging thus proving with a little help that the Dad can be mightier than the diaper! Please share your experiences or solutions, I’m sure there are men and women out there who are just like the guys in this video and could use a good tip.